Unsure

Unsure of how I feel today.  My heart is still hurting and my face is covered in tear stained streaks.  I still do not understand why.  It makes no sence to me was I not deserving of the truth?  I feel like such an idiot for believing and trusting that we had been nothing but completely honest with eachother.  Relationships especially marriages are built on trust and honesty and to think that ours was not.  I trusted him to be honest with me, but have found out that really there was no trust there as there was only partial honesty.  I feel as if everything was based on a lie.  How can I look at him and say I believe him or that I trust him with everything in me again?  I believed for 4 yrs that he had been completely honest with me about everything.....only to find out that he had lied to me repeatedly and he had been givin many chances to tell me the truth, but he just kept lying to me.  Everything we had built our life on was nothing more than a joke.  How do I move on with him from here?  Why should I trust him?  My heart is broken and only time can mend it.....but can we make it?

Discontent

I am sitting here feeling blank.  I feel like I am living a lie.  The one person I am supposed to be able to trust has been lying to me the whole time.  I am broken and confused.  I don't know how I should feel.  I want to scream.  I want to cry.  I feel like my world has been turned upside down.  Which way do I go from here?  My heart is broken, my face is burning, and my eyes are filled with tears.  I am so lost.  Trying to make sence of it all and I cannot.  I don't know what to do or what to say.  All I know is I am hurting and I don't know how to make the pain stop.

Nothing you can say can fix it........you cannot change and take the damage away.  There is a trust that was lost and I am not sure if we can repair it.

My nights seem so long.  You're there but you feel gone.  I want to lay my head upon your chest as you wrap your arms around me and hold me close.  To listen to the beating of your heart and feel the warmth of your breath.

I feel so disconnected.  Where did we turn and go wrong?  There is no time to cuddle.  Something always goes wrong.  Sometimes I feel like this life is no longer ours, we just live together alone.  How do you fix it?  How do you mend the wounds....and repair a broken heart?

Something is amiss.  I just cannot place my finger on it.  To go back to where we started. To when things were all new. Back to a time when all we wanted was eachother.  Is there a way to fix the broken life?